Wickstrom Adventures

In the Toilet: American Idol "fashion" (Top 24)

2010-03-02T22:21:00.022-05:00

American Idol Season 10 is PAINFULLY booooooooooring. (Can I get an AMEN?!) So tonight Wickstrom Adventures presents an extra special A.I. fashion flush:

He said/She said

He's sporting a mullet, she's seducing the camera like nobody's business and together, they're teaming up to provide straight-shooting, limited-expletive-laden analysis of the so-called "fashion" parading around Idol. Behold:

She said: "Look, Chris. It's your brother in mullets."

He said: "It's like Beatles on the top and Billy Ray Cyrus (circa '92) on the bottom. Definitely a whale of a tale. Grow for the gold, bro!"

She said: "Did you really just say 'whale of a tale?' Um..."

He said: "This was my favorite outfit of the night. I'm a little sentimental seeing granny's entryway rug again."

She said: "It's like the single most unflattering 'vest' I've ever seen. Let this be a lesson to us all: the fastest way to add 300 lbs. to your hips is by wearing a rug-turned-vest."

She said: "Okay, be honest. Would you rather be known as 'crazy eyes girl' or 'never comb your hair girl?'"

He said: "Depends on what I'm singing."

He said: "Check it out -- not only is my DAWG extending the Randy Jackson World Cardigan Tour of '09 into another season, he's paying tribute to Paula Abdul's jewelry addiction, or, as you'd say, 'over-blingifying.' Isn't there some rule about too much jewelry? Personally, I stick with just one tasteful accessory: my belly ring." She said: "True, but I'm loving the watch. Reminds me of a certain timepiece in my jewelry box."

She said: "Thoughts?"

He said: "The outfit is showing up all over her face as severe pain."

She said: "She's obviously suffering from dual climatizationitis -- her nightie is creating Arctic conditions up top while the leg warmers are giving her sweaty calf syndrome."

He said: "ARE WE DONE YET?"

She said: "You're right. This is exhausting work, especially since half of these people will be off the show before we can even finish this post. I say we provide the pictures and let the masses scoff for themselves. But before we sign off, we must note that Allison is still her horribly dressed self."

He said: "What she said."

Thanks for tuning into this special He said/She said A.I. fashion flush. You can participate in the fun by adding you two cents on the following "fashion" tragedies in the comments:

The inexplicably mismatched accessories

The ace bandage shoes paired with tacky lace hosiery

The armored shoulder pads

The feminine hygiene product headband

The white fright

The taffeta dress and Teva river shoes

Click here to catch up on In the Toilet: American Idol "Fashion."

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Prepare to be wowed by adorableness!

2010-02-25T22:17:00.008-05:00

Does anyone else think that watching A.I. feels LABORIOUS?! I have three TiVo-ed episodes LOOMING ahead, but I promise some fashion commentary this weekend (Chris is helping me create a "he said, she said." Woo hoo!).

In the meantime, my most amazing photographer friend Andrea came to town and worked her magic at our new house. My photographic direction: capture HAZEL. Behold: (Did you notice how Hazel's sitting on my new favorite chair? Loooooooooove.)

Andrea even made us look presentable -- she's that good!
Yay, kitchen + husband + new dress!

Check out the rest here. And call her! Andrea is MIRACULOUS!

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In the Toilet: American Idol fashion 2010

2010-02-24T00:03:00.006-05:00

I'm breaking my silence and shaking off the dust for a GOOD CAUSE:

It's FLUSHING time!

A gold lamé hefty bag with ruched elbow-length sleeves and a bubble hem? Worn with semi sheer leggings and prom shoes?! So Kara's new style is seventh grader-meets-Zsa Zsa Gabor-meets-tranny hero from Gentlemen Broncos (odd, yet hilarious movie -- go see it!)?

Apparently they didn't fire American Idol's infamous stylists which means we're in for another fabulously awful season of fashion disasters. Get excited.

Refresh on last year's "fashion" analysis here.

P.S. Did you see my friend Justin Williams on the show? Cutie, right? Become a fan here.
P.P.S. I've missed you! I fell off the planet for a few months and I'm slowly climbing back. Let's be bffs again, k?

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At last!

2009-11-23T11:06:00.003-05:00

I'm rocking some SERIOUS bangs and guess what -- I LOOOOOOOOOOVE THEM!

My super amazing girls weekend in D.C. included a much-needed trip to my favorite salon -- one80. If you're local, go there and ask for Remi. You won't be sorry!

Trip details to come (including our million viewings of a certain movie - WHICH WE LOVED!).

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Lately...

2009-11-12T21:17:00.005-05:00

Dear Blog,

I miss you! Remember when we hung out almost DAILY?! We talked about parties, hot husband, food, fashion, bad fashion (for shame, American Idol), the Metro and anything else that tickled our fancy? Awwww....those were the days.

But I've been neglecting you. And it's not because I don't care. It's because I've been raking an INSANE amount of leaves.
At least they're my leaves, right?

And unpacking (still).

And producing. Really -- I produced an elementary assembly/rock show for kids. How cool is that? It's very cool -- see for yourself:

(Check out the rocking tracks here. This is definitely nachomamma's assembly music).

Oh and I've been anticipating, counting down and CELEBRATING my impending trip to D.C. to hang out with my favorite women on the planet and this guy:

Life is busy, yet sweet. And I promise we'll hang out again soon. I can't stay away. I miss you too much.

xoxo,
Bec

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Wanna know what's REALLY scary?

2009-10-30T11:18:00.008-04:00

When you decide to make a homemade costume and realize you have everything you need to be her:

The tats:

The skinny jeans and heels:

The booze and smokes:
The hair (oh, the hair!):

And of course the eyes:

Happy Halloween!

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We interrupt the regularly scheduled unpacking with something fun!

2009-10-28T11:06:00.004-04:00

I should have been unpacking, but my new kitchen was beckoning! It is INFINITELY more fun to cook in a fabulous kitchen -- I hereby encourage everyone to get one!

Justification for the packing distraction: I have AMAZING new neighbors and co-workers and needed to do something nice.

So I made mini apple pies (by "I" I mean "Chris and I and mostly Chris"). Aren't they adorable?
Download the cute packaging here. (I edited the box to exclude the Valentine's Day sentiment. If you need a copy, e-mail me at heywickstroms@gmail.com).

P.S. I'm BACK!
And with a vengeance.
Watch out world!

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GASP!

2009-10-02T15:03:00.004-04:00

The weather is cooling off so why do I suddenly feel warm?

Countdown to the mega D.C. girl's weekend/New Moon viewing party is officially underway. Who's joining the frenzy? Check out the trailer and GET EXCITED!

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Ba-da-buh-buh-buh, I'm LOOOOOVIN' IT!

2009-09-30T10:58:00.005-04:00

The Wickstroms have embarked on a new misadventure: home ownership! We now own this beauty: Now it's time to decorate (uh oh!)!

P.S. Who knew buying a pair of these would be sooooo exciting?
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An outfit worthy of an entire post

2009-09-22T11:16:00.007-04:00

For two-and-a-half seasons, Mad Men has become one of my must-see-weekly-or-die indulgences. It delivers decadent sets, period-appropriate (and swoon-worthy) clothing, complex characters, intriguing storylines and the sexiest leading man on television. If you're not watching, shame on you. Call me and I'll loan you seasons one and two.

And then there's Joan. She's sexy, curvy, strong, seductive and sooooooo well dressed. I want to be Joan. I want to look like this on a daily basis:
or this:
or this:
That's why I saw this dress and immediately knew it had to be mine. From the royal blue wool to the button detail and straighter skirt, it's delicious. And so Joan-inspired, but fresh and current.
Yummy! Buy yours here.

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A brief giggle mixed with the stress

2009-09-17T12:18:00.004-04:00

Chris never ceases to crack me up, even in the midst of a STRESSFUL first home-buying process that includes finishing a small bathroom before closing on the (dream) house.
Fun to shop? Yes! Hard to resist going over the top? VERY (especially when the rest of the house is so beautiful).

I need your bargain shopping/house closing/bathroom finishing vibes to carry me through the rest of this month.

In the meantime, here's a recent (very typical) Wickstrom exchange. Enjoy!

CHRIS: Dang, can’t we find a towel holder and tissue holder somewhere else?
BECKY: Probably. :(
CHRIS: I’ll help look. The sconces and mirror are noticeably nicer, but unless the towel bar comes encrusted with some bling-bling and the toilet paper dispenser includes an automatic comfort moistener, the price seems a little steep.
BECKY: You’re a party pooper. What is a comfort moistener anyway?!?!
CHRIS: I’m not saying not to get those items, I will just feel seriously ripped off if we do. Like highway-robbery ripped off. I bet the CEO of Restoration Hardware has his “tissue dispenser” stocked with a fresh roll of Benjamins. BTW, a comfort moistener is that spray that you spray on you TP, remember?
BECKY: Good to know.

Project renovate a bathroom/buy a new house without killing each other continues...

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It goes without saying...

2009-09-02T00:07:00.005-04:00

...this blog is temporarily out of order. Sad, right?

BUT, I 1,000% promise it will be back and swinging SOON! I have so much to blog about. And, most importantly, I MISS ALL OF YOU! :(

Hang tight just a little longer. We can rekindle our online relationship (and trust me, I'm prepared to do the mending to make things right between us again!).

P.S. The house may be THE HOUSE! YIKES! Any home buying advice?

Image via.

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Optimum optimism (all that I can muster)

2009-08-10T23:26:00.011-04:00

I really, REALLY miss blogging. But instead of unloading the 1 MILLION reasons why I've been away, I'm celebrating the half-full glass from which I'm currently sipping.

Like right now -- guess where I am. Home? Nope. Office? Kinda. I'm "working" at a dress rehearsal of The Scarlet Pimpernel. No really.
And although it's 10 p.m. (at intermission) and I'm putting in some seriously long work hours, having clients like a theatre company, a swanky day spa and a luxury resort property on Laguna Beach makes it bearable. Oh and there's my largest project as executive producer/understudy performer/writer of a rock show/musical/school assembly program for kids. Working hard never felt so good!

Then there's the shoebox, ahem, APARTMENT we call home. You'll probably remember that it's located directly above heaven:
The good news is that I have an excuse to pop in "just to browse" anytime the spirit moves me. The bad news: even if I had extra cash, I could not possibly fit one more thin whisp of cotton in my sorry excuse for a closet (believe me, I've tried.) (And so help me, Chris, I'll keep trying!)

Speaking of the apartment, I'm very pleased with our bedroom decor:
Luckily, our queen-sized bed fits perfectly into the alcove in the bedroom. UNLUCKILY, our queen-sized bed fits perfectly into the alcove in the bedroom, which means making the bed is DIFFICULT! At least I get to look up at my happy yellow shade every night as I drift away to dreamland.

Which reminds me. Before we left D.C., Chris created a hybrid of my perfect dream man: Jermaine + ROB!
Oh Chris, you really know how to win over this girl! Even after (almost) seven years...

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Becky's Picks: Bacon-wrapped dough

2009-08-07T15:30:00.002-04:00

It's high time we talk about something savory on this blog! How about a bacon pouch to encase your mounds of dough? (Even better if it came pre-packed with the dough!)
My rating: 4/5 stars

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What Heather's Wearing NOW!

2009-07-31T11:21:00.009-04:00

Heather, my first What Not to Wear victim, is learning to mix and match her glorious wardrobe. Most of her pants are still being tailored (a must, ladies), but she's embracing the new -- but still very "Heather" -- look! Here's what she wore this week:A colorful printed top (a bit out of her fashion comfort zone but too chic to resist) with a high, defined waist, paired with dark trouser jeans and suede camel wedges. A basic, yet detailed (making it a bit more fashionable) knit brown tee with cotton khakis and brown patent leather flats. Heather had been wearing these pants with heels (in preparation for a flood?), but she learned about where your pants should hit your shoes (the hem should graze the bottom of the shoe's heel). Black 1960s-inspired swing sweater paired with a basic white tee, trouser jeans and the BARGAIN of our shopping experience: $20 Banana Republic heels (they were originally $120!).
Heather pulled off Friday casual chic in her gray twist-front shirt (that emphasizes the narrowest part of her torso), a red cami underneath (adding a pop of color) and jeans. Perfect!

Doesn't she look AWESOME?!

Stay tuned for some shopping FAQs about our What Not to Wear experience. And some tips for adding style and polish to your everyday wardrobe.

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Warning: This post may not be suitable for some husbands...

2009-07-28T01:21:00.017-04:00

...or it may be just the kick in the pants your husband needs (ahem, CHRIS!).

SO, I've been working on a top secret DREAM JOB project for the past four months. I was "hired" by my friend Heather's AMAZING husband to host WHAT NOT TO WEAR for his very deserving wife.

Here's the thing about Heather -- she's gorgeous. BUT, like a lot of women who give birth, take care of their families and juggle work, church and family commitments, Heather needed to rediscover her personal style.

Her husband armed me with a wad of cash (literally a white envelope loaded with A LOT of money -- if you want to know the exact amount, e-mail me at heywickstroms@gmail.com) and we set up the ambush.

STEP 1: The Salon
Luckily, one of the clients Heather and I work with is a swanky Aveda Salon and Spa. With the help of our bosses, we set up a "client meeting." Upon arrival at the salon, Heather was faced with this:
Here's her fake smile and what-the-heck-is-going-on-here reaction shot (also, a "before" picture). Before she could run in the opposite direction (trust me -- she almost did!), we whisked her away for a spa pedicure/manicure.
Next on the agenda: hair. I wanted Heather to have a low-maintenance but sophisticated style. We evened out her length and gave her subtle layers. Then we framed her stunning face with a short fringe of side-swept bangs.
STEP 2: The Shopping
The night before our ambush, I pre-shopped and put clothes on hold for Heather. This allowed us to hit more stores in a short amount of time and gave us a strong start to our two-day extravaganza.

Our goal was to find great-fitting basics to serve as the building blocks of a mix-and-match wardrobe. Heather was a trooper, trying on everything I could throw at her. And drinking up (okay, maybe being force-fed) my constant instruction about fit, color, fabric, texture, neutrals and pulling an outfit together.
By the end of day one, we had the start of a great new wardrobe and still some cash left over.
STEP 3: Taking Out the Trash
After two intense (and exhausting) days of shopping, we headed back to Heather's house for an old-fashioned CLOSET GUTTING. First we emptied every article of clothing from her closet. Then we tried on the clothes and talked about fit and quality. Many items were sacrificed to the black plastic hefty gods.
My favorite sacrificial items: the man shoes (as worn by me). I thought these were her husband's! Next we began building outfits, mixing her new wardrobe with the items that survived the trashing. I laid out her pants and showed her how to mix her tops to make chic and interesting outfits. Here's me, sweaty and tired (and rocking red lips), but still firing off fashion advice!
We added pops of color to her business wardrobe. We talked about ways to pump up her casual looks from slubby polo and faded jeans, to flattering tees, layering pieces and updated denim. We even walked through the fine art of picking neutral colors and patterns and using them to their fullest advantage.
STEP 4: Made Over!
At the end of the day, we created an entire wardrobe full of new pieces to highlight, flatter and draw attention to Heather's innate natural beauty.

Our shopping list included:

- a chic hobo bag
- a pair of trouser jeans
- 7 pairs of work-appropriate trousers
- 8 layering tanks and tees
- 5 blouses
- 4 cardigans
- 5 pull-over sweaters
- 2 jackets
- a dress
- 5 pairs of shoes
- a pair of earrings

Here's one of Heather's chic ensembles, a classic Jackie O-inspired jacket paired with tailored black slacks.

Stay tuned during the next couple of weeks for daily outfits from Heather's What Not to Wear makeover.

Oh and husbands, call me. Wait. That sounds awkward. What I'm trying to say is give your wife the gift she's dying for -- a bucket full of money to buy clothes and shoes. And let me be the one to help her!

And Chris -- yes, please!

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A (long overdue) thank you catch up

2009-07-21T01:46:00.006-04:00

Remember how we moved?
The only reason we survived was because of amazing friends who wrapped their arms around us and told us it would be okay. And trust me -- we needed a LOT of reassurance!
Behold, our packing angels. Sang and her hubby and the cutest baby on the planet even made a surprise trip from Missouri to help.

The TTLs (Theatrical Thursday Ladies) were a constant support, willing to commiserate, offer distractions, take field trips, pack, send encouraging e-mails, indulge in Georgetown Cupcakes, etc...

When we finally made it to Utah, our friends were waiting with open arms, ready to help unpack, invite us to dinner and plan shopping dates and adventures. Our new employers were especially welcoming, sending incredible flowers and a basket full of goodies (which we lived off of for two weeks).

Thanks to all! We cannot adequately express our gratitude.

BUT, we can invite you for a stay in our new house. Okay, so it's not ours yet, but if I have any say, this will be the kitchen in the future Wickstrom abode. Keep your fingers crossed for us!

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And the winner of the 2nd Annual Big Birthday Giveaway is...

2009-07-16T12:50:00.003-04:00

JESSICA FILLMORE

aka the classy lady celebrating every happy minute of her life! (But let's be honest -- if we all had a baby that cute, we couldn't help but smile either!) I can't wait to send you my happy package, gorgeous girl!

Stay tuned for the big reveal! For last year's goods, click here.

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A birthday to look UP!

2009-07-13T00:41:00.014-04:00

I was in desperate need of a pick-me-up and without even asking, that's exactly what I got for my birthday!

It's no secret that our recent move to Utah was a humongous challenge for both Wickstroms. Couple a birthday with this major life change (not to mention the Utah Bar study consuming Chris' life) and it's safe to say I was 100% NOT looking forward to celebrating.

But a week ago, we saw UP!, a sweet, creative, uplifting movie about embracing the joy of life's journey and not succumbing to sadness when you face trials. Both Chris and I were blown away.

Then I arrived at work on Wednesday to find: My mom told the florist I was "a very stylish dresser" and could she please use an "appropriate" vase:

All week the sweet smell of roses and lilies filled my office!

I was feeling happier already. In addition to awesome cards, thoughtful gifts and chocolate cake at work, I got an e-mail from my BFF at midnight on Friday.

(Isn't she gorgeous? You should read her blog. It's brilliant and pure happiness!)

She told me to visit the birthday blog she created for me last year (brilliant idea, right?) for a special surprise.

Holly invited some of the most important women in my life to shower me with love on the blog! This was one of the most thoughtful and NEEDED birthday gifts I've ever received. As I read their overly generous words, I was intermittently sobbing and laughing. These, the woman I most admire, were celebrating me! I felt amazing.

THEN (can you believe there's more?!), hot husband told me we had to be in Park City by 6:30 a.m. on Saturday morning. I had no idea what he had planned.

Bleary eyed, I woke up at 4:45 a.m. and Chris showed me this post (his first ever on Wickstrom Adventures -- hooray!).

We spent a beautiful (though sleepy) morning floating above the stunning Utah mountains. It was perfect!

Thanks everyone for such a wonderfully UPlifting birthday!
I love you!

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I LOVE YOU TO THE BLUE, BLUE SKY ...

2009-07-11T04:38:00.004-04:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BECKY!!!

Love,
The Other Adventurous Wickstrom

Image via flickr.

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY MADE HAPPIER!

2009-07-11T02:15:00.005-04:00

Time to celebrate -- I hope you'll join me in one of the most fabulous perks of a birthday on 7/11:

FREE SLURPEES!

Woo hoo! Cheers!

Awesome image via.

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BIRTHDAY WEEK: Happiness

2009-07-10T00:27:00.006-04:00

Broken Record Becky says:
"Enter the BIG BIRTHDAY GIVEAWAY by clicking on the cupcake over there."

I obviously love birthdays -- imaging how I would celebrate if I had unlimited funds, choosing presents (both realistic and fantasy -- or maybe just fantasy) and picking out the perfect cake (YUM!).

But Helen Keller once said,

"The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart."

I keep these words of wisdom prominently displayed on my fridge.

Because as fun as it is to indulge in expensive daydreams, it's better to get a thoughtful e-mail from a friend. Or a voicemail with an off-key rendition of the birthday song. Or the perfect card from someone who knows you ridiculously well. Or an ice cold grapefruit Izze soda from your husband because he knows it's your favorite. Or a genuine hug and the whispered words, "I love you!"

I'm excited for all of those little things! It makes getting one year older a tiny bit less traumatizing.

BUT, if you had to choose a fantasy birthday activity and gift, what would it be?

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BIRTHDAY WEEK: Can I please get some commiseration?

2009-07-08T23:40:00.006-04:00

First thing's first:
Enter the BIG BIRTHDAY GIVEAWAY by clicking on the cupcake over there:

It all started with the words, "I want to take you to dinner for your birthday." I was turning 18. We'd been dating for two years. And although teenage romance is turbulent by nature, we were going through a relatively calm and happy spell. We were so in love.

If this had been any other birthday, I would have had to reschedule our dinner plans. My celebrations always lasted at least a full week and often involved elaborate parties (see examples here, here, here and here). But with my mom away at Girl's Camp and my friends otherwise disposed, we set out on the birthday date.

So there we were, munching on sweet and sour chicken, when out of the blue he said, "I think we should see other people. I want to break up."

I was stunned.

"Really?" I choked on a bite of chicken.

I wanted to scream, BUT IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!

He simply nodded. We ate in silence. Then, walking me to his truck after the depressing meal, he offered to take me to get ice cream.

Too stunned to decline, I agreed and we ate our ice cream on the sidewalk in the sweltering summer night heat.

Then he suggested mini golf. I numbly played along.

Three hours later, he dropped me off on my doorstep and wished me a happy birthday.

It was, hands down, the WORST birthday of my life. Even thinking about it makes me mad! Good thing I gave Chris my hand in marriage and him the "Dear John."

Your turn -- what was your worst birthday ever?

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BIRTHDAY WEEK TIP: Dazzle them with the wrap!

2009-07-07T23:50:00.007-04:00

As promised, I'm sharing my best birthday ideas this week.
But, first, enter the BIG BIRTHDAY GIVEAWAY by clicking on the cupcake:

Anyway, I come from a long line of gift wrappers -- my grandma, my mom, my aunt. All of these talented ladies taught me the power of a well-wrapped gift.

But sometimes killer wrapping is more than a frilly luxury -- it's critical. After all, the last thing a lame gift needs is lame wrapping.

Even if the gift is the opposite of lame, the wrapping can make it shine. Check out my birthday gift to the ever-amazing Rachel:

(Hot husband, Kara, Birthday Girl and Wendy -- fabulous and very missed D.C. bffs!)

I presented Rachel with her very own "Man-catching Birthday Beauty Kit." Fun idea, yes. But more fun after I got creative with the gift labels:
The gift was actually pretty boring -- body wash, shampoo, conditioner, lip gloss, nail polish, a Coldstone Creamery gift card, but the "Man-catching" labels made it a lot more fun. And after all, that's what counts, right?

What do you do to make your gifts extra special?

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In the Toilet: American Idol "Fashion" (FINALE -- part 2)

2009-07-06T22:53:00.031-04:00

It's BIRTHDAY WEEK!

Enter the BIG BIRTHDAY GIVEAWAY by clicking on the cupcake over there:

Since we're celebrating, I decided to get you a present -- something OUTDATED, CLASSLESS and TACKY. And something you've been BEGGING for!

Behold:

I was admittedly confused when Ryan Secrest began the American Idol finale by introducing the set painters. (Is Fox implying a spinoff series? Will Kris paint houses and Adam paint fingernails?) It got weirder when the set painters' back-up dancers took the stage:

I mean really -- who knew white came in so many terrifying shapes and accessories? One hideous outfit stood out in the sea of white fright:
This is Allison's geriatric-nurse-in-a-housecoat-and-Keds look. The worst part? This wasn't her most disgraceful ensemble of the night. She also wore footless tights with strappy shoes:
and a dress that revealed all of Victoria's Secrets. I kept waiting for Fox to insert a modesty graphic near the hem of her ever-creeping "skirt."

Despite her best efforts to steal the spotlight by wearing distasteful, age-inappropriate and immodest apparel, this show wasn't about Allison. It was an epic, head-to-head battle of the

(the two main voting groups of the final contestants).

In this, our last review of American Idol's most disastrously UNfashionable season EVER, we're going to defer to the opinions that really matter: the Queens and Tweens.

PAULA

Oh honey! I love a girl (or boy, tee hee) who's not afraid to wear her stripper dress with the dangly boob tassels in public. SWING IT, SISTER!

CYNDI LAUPER

Okay, so like my teacher, like, in science class, like, just talked about caterpillars. And, like, the cocoon thingies that, like, they make before they turn into, like, moths or buttterflies, or whatever. But, OMG!, I didn't know they made caterpillar BODYSUITS! MMMMOOOOOMMMM! I WANT A CATERPILLAR BODYSUIT!

WHAT'SHERFACE

Why are that girl's, like, boots as long as her, like, dress or shirty thingy? Did she forget pants? One day I almost forgot pants and my mom was like, "You march upstairs and put on some pants." Like, whatever, MOM! Look at this girl -- she's not wearing pants and her mom let her on stage still. GOSH!

KARA

Oh Kara, we are all about your mood jewelry (even if we daresay it's a bit large and gaudy). But any ten cent drag queen could guess what whitish gray means: you hate the person sitting on your right. The person wearing boob tassels. The person with that crazy look in her eyes. Not so subtle, sweetheart.

But what we really want to talk about is that FIERCE LBD (little black dress, in layman's terms):
It left us feeling hot. And just when we thought you couldn't look any more fabulous, you did this:
Oh diva! What we would have paid to see the drool dripping down Simon's chin! Well played, honey. Well played.

And you know we love you and you're hot and all, but we wish you would have sported the LBD all night instead of that fussy bow-ed frock. You looked like you were wearing seatbelts for a girdle.

MALIBU BARBIE

I'm not, like, saying I play with Barbies -- because I totally don't anymore -- but, like, when did they get tattoos? And, like, when did they start coming to life? And also, like -- not that I would notice or anything -- but, like, why is Barbie still wearing the same outfit from like a million years ago?
In the name of all that is fierce and chic! Those sorry excuses for stilettos/leather legwarmers/slingback boots just made us throw up in our mouths. Malibu Barbie would never be so crass. This gross, gross girl disgraces Barbie's good name!

QUEEN LATIFAH

Don't mistake -- we are card-carrying members of the Large and in Charge and TOTALLY FIERCE Club, but not when it's packaged like this, honey. Can someone please explain why our Covergirl is wearing a onsie? She looks like a sausage roll. Seriously, wearing that outfit is like BEGGING for a giant, un-pickable wedgie!

And don't get me started on the zip-off nursing triangle covering her right bosom.

FERGIE

Like, why, like, does Fergie have weapons for nails? She's, like, totally freaking me out.

ADAM, our 2009 American Idol

So, forgive us, but we're like totally emotional. Tonight was Adam's shining moment. And he was ABSOLUTELY dressed for the part. I mean, he started off so strong, with a decorative holster to compliment his shimmery red taffeta tie. And then (hold on, we're dabbing our eyes), he stepped out on stage wearing the most beautiful set of leather bondage/angel wings we've ever seen.
And we were watching and like, dying on the spot. And then, we saw the wide shot of his outfit:

I mean SASHA FIERCE, back me up, girl! What business does he have wearing such amazing platforms. I mean they're borderline stilts. Added to the leather and wings, we were knocked over. We literally couldn't get up from our chairs. All we could do was sit there, our mouths agape, and plan our knock-off outfits.

You could tell Adam felt like a million bucks -- I swear we saw a few tears in his eyes:
Oh, wait. I guess it was just glitter.

But, seriously. It's like all of Adam's fashion choices on the show led to this one moment, where he truly discovered where he belongs: sandwiched between two old men wearing makeup.
Could it be a more perfect ensemble? Adam, you've arrived! We love you, our American Idol! You'll always shine brighter than Kristine or Chrissy or Kreg or whatever that other person's name was.

Catch up on an entire season of "In the Toilet: American Idol 'Fashion'" by clicking here.

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Becky's Second Annual Big Birthday Giveaway!

2009-07-05T23:20:00.006-04:00

It is officially Birthday Week at Casa Wickstrom, which means two things:

1. tears
2. THE BIG BIRTHDAY GIVEAWAY (click here to see last year's bounty).

The only thing more fun than waking up on your birthday morning to cupcakes in bed, two first-class tickets to Paris, 17 pairs of Louboutins and the keys to a brand new car is GIVING SOMEONE YOU LOVE A FABULOUS GIFT! This week is all about gift giving.

Tomorrow I'm giving you the (long, LONG OVERDUE) American Idol Finale Fashion Dissection (archives here). GET EXCITED!

All week I'll share share birthday tips and gift ideas (for others, not me, silly)! And even my worst birthday EVER. (Maybe you'll share yours and we can commiserate).

It's going to be an exciting week!

Feel the birthday spirit by entering THE BIG BIRTHDAY GIVEAWAY!

How to enter:

* Leave a comment on this post (it can be anything) by Saturday, July 11, before 11 p.m. MST. (One comment per person, please.)
* I will randomly pick a winner and send you a fantastic gift.
* In two weeks, I'll post a special "Becky's Picks," revealing my favorite items.
* Good luck!

Image via.

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Alright, the honest truth

2009-06-30T00:32:00.004-04:00

This post was originally titled "In the Toilet: Ameri..."

But I can't do it. Not right now.

I've been in a major funk since the move. Since before the move, even. And because of the funk (the feeling, not the music), I've tuned out of life. Isn't that lame?

On Friday night we spent four hours driving past houses and dreaming. Suddenly these big heavy clouds heaved overhead and a swirling puff of wind blew the trees in 100 directions. Big drops of rain splattered on the windshield; jagged lightning sparked overhead. And just as we drove by a house on our "yes, please" list, a glimmer of sun shot through the clouds. The sky electrified with a vibrant rainbow, the kind where you can see every color, even indigo.

For me, it was a promise that the funk is lifting. That life will resume. That I'm ready to check back in.

And that, although "fashionably" late, the American Idol finale is coming...

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Ever wonder if you married the right man?

2009-06-23T11:05:00.004-04:00

I don't.

Chris: "I want to do a daily dose. How do I hide the fat?"

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Okay, so I tried...

2009-06-19T11:10:00.003-04:00

I had FANTASTIC intentions to be a super blogger this week.

Reality:

- I still live in a sea of boxes and am still reeling from the move.
- The kitchen has yet to be unpacked (aka cereal for every meal).
- I'm not sleeping (which may be related to the fact that I re-addicted myself to Felicity. All four seasons on DVD = HEAVEN!)
- I'm working my buns off. The new job is intense, but AWESOME!

Next week I'll be a super blogger. And I'll wrap up American Idol. And I'll tell you about the move. And I'll read your blogs. And we can be friends again.

Hopefully!

In case you're wondering, this is the new office. Awesome, yes?

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In the Toilet: American Idol "Fashion" (FINALE -- part 1)

2009-06-17T01:43:00.013-04:00

Given the EXTREME lateness of this post (and I'm not referring to the fact that it is 1:39 a.m. ON A WORK NIGHT), I should probably offer a sincere apology and explanation.

But you've been waiting FOREVER and if you were in this room right this moment, you'd be red-faced and screaming, "SHUT UP AND BLOG!"

Okay, okay.

First, I have something for you -- a peace offering, if you will. You should know the acquisition of this gift nearly caused a rift in the Wickstrom marriage (one of us was in a hurry), but I persevered. I had to see the look on your face (which apparently I'll have to imagine, unless you decide to send me a reaction picture. I'll enthusiastically accept messages at heywickstroms@gmail.com).

Behold:

You can now look as HIDEOUS as Lil Rounds by owning your very own dog collar stripper shoes (available here). Congratulations, American Idol "stylists." Your handicrafts have made the world a MUCH WORSE PLACE!

During night one of the way-too-long-and-drawn-out finale, I was perplexed by the judges' apparent lack of preparation before the show. Randy clearly ran out of time to change outfits after presiding over a meeting of the National Alliance of Door-to-Door Goofy Clown Salesmen:

And Simon was so hurried he barely got his shirt on, let alone buttoned:
(Unless he thought chest hair was an appropriate accessory for formal wear, in which case we'll be staging an intervention, STAT!)

Then, of course, there was Paula. She was rushing around, scrambling to fasten her lime silk bed sheet into a gown, and ran out the door without an umbrella. As a result, she was rocking a strangely flat yet poofy lion mane-esque hairdo:

Tragically, the hair was the least of her problems. Simon kindly (felt up her leg) pointed out the unfinished portion of her bed sheet-turned-gown. The "stylists" must have used up too much fabric sculpting a massive rose betwixt her bosoms, leaving poor Paula with an exposed thigh, upper thigh (and lower crotch?). Whoops!

At least the contestants began the night completely clothed and representative of their various musical genres. I love a man in a tough black leather motorcycle jacket.

Both Adam and Kris had their high fashion points of the night:

And I was almost hypnotized into believing my important work calling attention to American Idol's fashion atrocities was done.

But...
(you knew there was a but)

Kris took the stage and everything was fine from the neck up:

Then the camera panned down, revealing an oversized pea coat. Maybe the judges' frazzledness rubbed off on him and Kris ran on stage before realizing he was still wearing his frumpy winter jacket. How embarrassing!

And Adam. Again, decent from the neck up:
Studded shoulders? Okay, I can work with that. Then the downward camera panning began...
Um, is that a lariat necklace? Not very manly, but I guess it could be worse. Downward panning continues...
HUH? Wait a sec. Maybe the lighting is doing weird things to his pants. Is my camera color screwbally?
Okay, what is going on backstage? First the judges show up half disheveled and then Adam takes the stage with streaky bleached-out skin-tight jeans. I wonder if he was trying to remove his permanently black nail polish and spilled a drop (does bleach remove nail polish?). The stylists scrambled, yelling, "Oh crap! Our reputation will be ruined if we allow Adam on stage looking like this!" Then one intrepid youngster (probably the genius behind the dog collar stripper shoes) grabbed the bottle from Adam's hand and doused his pants.
And boots? Isn't that a bit much?

Katie Holmes was horrified, desperately shielding Suri's innocent eyes from Adam's shameful get-up. Good thing both mom and daughter could look forward to a big glass of Scientology happy juice when they got home to erase the nasty visuals. Kinda like bleach for the brain.

Stay tuned for the final chapter in American Idol's 2009 bad fashions. Click here to catch up on In the Toilet: American Idol "Fashion."

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Pssstttt...

2009-06-15T17:43:00.002-04:00

I'm coming back to the blogging world tomorrow.

Stay tuned.

P.S. Do you still care about American Idol? I've got a lot to say about the wardrobery.

P.P.S. Wanna hear about our cross-country trail of tears?

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M.I.A., but read this

2009-05-28T13:43:00.001-04:00

I was under the delusion that when I quit my job I'd have LOADS of time to lunch with my ladies and play and enjoy D.C. before being vanquished to a barren wasteland (aka Salt Lake City).

REALITY CHECK:
I HAVE A LOT OF PACKING TO DO!

But I promise I'll be back to blogging soon. And I promise to finish my "In the Toilet: American Idol fashion" series. I PROMISE.

In the meantime, you MUST read this post to find out how these two BFFS
created these two BFFS
who are now all one big happy family.
Now if you'll excuse me, I need to change my tear-drenched shirt.

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Happy Long Weekend!

2009-05-21T17:09:00.005-04:00

Wishing you a fabulous Memorial Day weekend filled with

And stay tuned for the grand finale of "In the Toilet: American Idol Fashion." I promise it's coming!

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D.C., I love you! (volume 1)

2009-05-19T13:19:00.010-04:00

Did you know the Wickstroms are blowing this D.C. popsicle stand to head West in three short weeks? One of us is excited, the other is going kicking and screaming (you guess which is which).

Here are the things I'll miss, in no particular order:

Working with the lobbyists on D.C.'s landmark K street.

The entryway of my office building and...

...the molding in the elevator.

My 11th floor office, with TWO windows.

Displaying annual National Public Works Week posters
(which are usually ugly AND feature realistic body parts).

The Subway next door to my office (aka my very own Cheers, "Where everybody knows my name and they're always glad I came").

And these fine people, who've hand-crafted "olive" sandwiches for me
weekly for the past four years.

Stay tuned for more reminiscing...

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I'm not cutting onions -- I'm just a bit misty!

2009-05-18T13:30:00.008-04:00

Saturday was a BIG day for Team Wickstrom -- Chris graduated from law school.

Wait, did you hear me?

HANDSOME HUSBAND
GRADUATED FROM
LAW SCHOOL!

I'm so proud. And doesn't he look handsome in that purple velvet robe and octagon hat?

Chris' parents and sibs traveled from Connecticut to celebrate.
(Chris looks so happy in this picture. I think he really liked the hat.)

My parents came too -- and kept everyone laughing! (P.S. Self, BAD PICTURE.)

Selected sibs (aka BFFs and their adorable kids) joined the fiesta too.

Chris and John are definitely brothers from another mother. I love this picture!

Congratulations, Chris!
You're all grown up now (but still as handsome as ever)!

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In the Toilet: American Idol "Fashion" (week 10)

2009-05-13T14:45:00.025-04:00

When I started writing this post there were only three contestants left on American Idol. And they're all BOYS. (Now it's down to two, but don't tell -- I didn't watch the elimination show yet!)

But...

{sigh}

My hand is once again perched on the cold metal handle, ready to flush the A.I. "stylists" and their laughable "FASHIONS" down the toilet.

[PAUSE -- despite the horrible wardrobe choices, there were a few moments Tuesday night when I was blown away by the music, which is a HUGE FEAT since the bad outfits keep me so distracted I barely remember which songs were performed. Those guys have major pipes and I was pretty impressed!]

Because I love a good rating system, this week's outfit
components will receive either a

HAT TIP

or a

PINK SLIP

Without further exposition, let's get the toilet water swirling!

HAT TIP:

I must first give myself props for composing such an expressive collage of Ryan Seacrest, who insists on donning one of the season's hottest colors -- ORANGE!

PINK SLIP:
Adam's acid-washed, chest-baring JEAN SHIRT definitely receives a PINK SLIP! I could maybe forgive the acid wash of the shirt because of its cool military detailing and overall fit, but I CANNOT OVERLOOK the smarmy unbuttoning. HELLO ADAM, you're not ROB PATTINSON! Oh Rob...

PINK SLIP:

To think the shirt was the least of Adam's problems -- his ALL-DENIM OUTFIT + SNAKESKIN BOOTS ensemble is a grave fashion sin. NO ONE should wear an outfit made entirely of denim (aside from this man).

PINK SLIP:
The raw leather jacket Adam wore during his second performance caused me to think either a) the stylists ran out of time to finish the jacket, but decided it was "good enough" because the un-hemmed part would be in the back or b) the stylists intentionally shrouded him in a rustic cow skin, continuing their bad Westernwear theme. Either way, it definitely earns a pink slip!

HAT TIP:
Randy, Dawg, those blue specs are sweet! Congratulations, Mr. Jackson.

PINK SLIP:
OUCH...hat tip followed by a pink slip. I think you know what this is about, DAWG. You can put your beefy vienna sausage fingers down -- I'm not at peace about you wearing YET ANOTHER cardi gan with horizontal stripes!

HAT TIP:
Dear Danny -- you look cool (FINALLY)! I'm feeling the tonal stripped shirt and the chic military jacket. (P.S. Next time tie your shoes! You might trip!)

PINK SLIP:
I'm totally grateful for this vest because without it, Danny's nipples would be clearly visible through his sheer shirt. Unless the shirt has some well-positioned modesty pockets? Luckily, we'll never know.

PINK SLIP:
As much as it pains me to have to explain this, Kara, darling, shoulderpads belong on the inside of the dress (on the shoulders, in the sleeves). One quick trick to determine whether or not your shoulderpads are correctly positioned: raise your arms. YOUR ARMPITS SHOULD NOT BE VISIBLE.

Another trick to determine whether your shoulderpads are correctly positioned: check the garbage can. If you see them inside, they're in the right position.

Oh dear. I just noticed that the "shouldpads" may be bra pads and I don't have enough energy to delicately explain where those belong.

PINK SLIP:
L.A. was obviously very humid Tuesday afternoon -- I mean check out Paula's lion mane! Wait a second...was Kara's hair frizzy? Was this 'do intentional? Oh dear.

Also, let's talk about the dress: hefty bag meets colorful saran wrap. No wonder she's sweating!

PINK SLIP:
As usual Paula overloaded her outfit with tacky, excessive and fake diamond-encrusted accessories. Shocking, right?

Although she did forgo a necklace. I guess that's one step forward.

HAT TIP:
Kudos to Simon for finally confronting Paula about her over-accessorizing. He even had the guts to do it on TV:

Simon: If she wears one more sparkly accessory I'm going to shoot myself in the head. She's completely mad!
Paula: Simon, PLEASE! I just need a necklace. That's all I need. Something modestly sized (like 12 inches long) and slightly shimmery (coated in fake bling). Please, Simon. JUST ONE MORE!

Catch up on In the Toilet: American Idol "Fashion" here.
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Becky's Picks: The most glorious bacon find, YET!

2009-05-12T13:39:00.006-04:00

Behold:

BACON BALM!

I even love the name -- bacon "balm" just sounds so healing and comforting. It's luring me in with the promise of wrapping my lips in a nice warm bacon blanket and feeling the cares of the world fall from my shoulders. Mmmmmmm. Peaceful AND delicious.

Buy yours (and mine!) here.

My rating: 5/5 stars

More bacon here.
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Why can't all mail be so charming?

2009-05-11T08:43:00.005-04:00

I ordered something from one of my favorite sites -- Etsy.com. It's brimming with talented artists and creative souls offering unique handmade gifts and treasures.

UK illustrator Heidi Burton sent my purchase in this happy envelope and it totally made my day! I'm resolving to make my letters more cheerful -- from the outside in!

Heidi's pictures are so quirky and charming!

Tell people illustration - $8

Just My Cup of Tea postcard - $3.30

Spoontang Clan print - $25 (reminds me of Chris and his friend John!)

Random Acts of Kindness Print - $8

Chore Trade Gift Tokens - $13.50

P.S. Did you know my awesome friend Holly has an Etsy shop? Check her out here.

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In the Toilet: American Idol "Fashion" (week 9)

2009-05-08T11:38:00.036-04:00

Fox insists on hogging my "In the Toilet" fashion series (DESPITE the fact ONLY FOUR CONTESTANTS REMAIN!). And though I'm exhausted from life in general, I cannot allow these egregious American Idol fashion disasters to slip through the cracks unnoticed.

So, sorry for the delay, but buckle up -- it's gonna be a crazy ride...

...because SLASH is directing this tour bus! Seriously, how crappy would you feel if you were a hardcore rocker/legendary guitar player gallivanting around American Idol as a judge and trying not to giggle at the oompa loompa shade of orange Ryan Seacrest painted his skin?
Anyway, this week, each contestant will receive SLASHES (aka demerits/fail points/pictures of Slash's face) rating the terribleness of their outfit and its various components. The more SLASHES someone receives, the more my eyeballs burn when I look at their clothes.

Let's start with the group shot. I could NOT stop singing, "One of these things is not like the other. One of these things just doesn't belong. Can you tell which thing is not like the other thing before I finish my song?"

Danny just looks so awkward. Apparently the A.I. "stylists" didn't get the memo about red dress shirt + black jeans + untied combat boots NOT EQUALING ROCKER!

INEQUITABLE BAD OUTFIT DISTRIBUTION SLASHES:

On to the judges.

First of all, I'm happy to report the intervention staged by me and Jamie Foxx WORKED! Randy broke free from the car di gan s (though the silly beads remained):
He also took a page from Paula Abdul's school of only wearing garments coated in bling:
At least he looks pleased with himself.

BLINGED TEE SLASHES:

Speaking of Paula, she almost single-handedly (co-conspitor to be revealed shortly) bumped the show's rating to NC-17 by offering a full view of her produce aisle:
I really wanted to like this dress -- it had great potential. How hard would it have been to wear a cami? But I felt like she was acutely aware of her very obvious melon display and, if confronted on the topic, would have said,

"What? Why can't you meet my eyes? Pay no attention to my bazoombas! What? I don't care if my bra is hanging out. I'm trying to make a point about softballs and pillows and soft clouds of marshmallow cream."

IMMODESTY SLASHES:

I was so involuntarily fixated on her, ahem, CLEAVAGE I almost overlooked her accessory overload. Almost.
My favorite items were the "when you wish upon a star" earrings:

BAD/OVER-ACCESSORIZING SLASHES:

Let's pause to remember how adorable (and 16) Allison can be when free from shackles of the A.I. terrorists (I mean stylists):
They caught her before the show, though, and smeared her face with age-increasing (like 50 years) crusty and tired makeup:
And then they (painstakingly) glued 10,000 baby mirrors to the thighs (and back pockets) of her black pants and borrowed her a pair of boots from the jolly Knights of Stotts (by "borrowed" I mean "stole from" while the good Knights were bathing in a river):
But after the stylists saw her completed look and before Allison took to the stage, everyone agreed she looked a little "dark." In a last-minute stroke of brilliance, they glued a small golden angel wing applique to the top of her buns:

OVERALL BAD OUTFIT/MAKEUP SLASHES:

Adam is the aforementioned co-conspirator trying to boost the show's rating to NC-17. His tactic wasn't "cassavas," though. He was using these:

Am I the only one who thinks these bell-bottomed pants are embarrassingly revelatory? [BLUSH] But they weren't the only pair he wore.

Altogether now: Beatlejuice, Beatlejuice, BEATLEJUICE!

ANATOMY-HUGGING BAD PANTS SLASHES:

Also, while I recognize that many male rockers "rock" makeup and I openly acknowledge that a darkly lined eye often looks very cool, Adam's makeup was a drag. Literally -- it looked more like a drag queen than like members of the rock group Queen.

NON-ROCK/DRAG QUEEN MAKEUP:

SLASHES/demerits/fail points have been flung about by the fistful, but let's end on a happy note. Though they both take top prize for bad rock outfits, Adam and Allison should keep their hairstylist. She's pretty much the only fashion contributor on the show who really rocks:
Catch up on In the Toilet: American Idol "Fashion" here.

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Um, not to sound arrogant, but I TOLD YOU SO!

2009-05-06T14:51:00.007-04:00

Remember how Becky's Picks recently awarded Ray's Hell Burgers 6/5 glorious stars?

And remember how I've personally converted (aka consumed burgers with) more than 50 people to it's deliciousness (not to mention the masses who tried the burgers on their own because of my recommendation, er, peer pressuring)?

I think we've uncovered two very famous readers of this blog, who obviously trust my expert opinion:
More on the Presidential luncheon here.

And for all you unbelievers, remember this incident the next time you see Becky's Picks!

Images via here, here and here.

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Misadventures on the Metro

2009-05-05T16:05:00.006-04:00

chapter 44
I’ve been there 1,750 times (to be inexact).

And it’s usually because I leave myself the minimum number of minutes to get to work on time in the morning.

But this is not intentional. Most days my hair is unwrangle-able. And I have NOTHING TO WEAR. And I pause to brush my teeth (unlike that one guy). And husband (my metro station chauffeur/chaperon) spends 20 minutes getting into his slip-on shoes.

So by the time I arrive AT the metro station, I have LESS than the minimum number of minutes to get to work on time.

I sprint down the escalator, two stairs at a time. Then I power walk across the hexagonal tile and, mid-stride and in one smooth motion, dab the sweat streaming down my forehead, snatch the fare card from my unfathomable purse and slash it over the station turnstile. I pause for two seconds while the gate s----l----o----w----l----y opens, peering over the railing to see a train with beckoning open doors.

Re-hoisting my purse squarely on my shoulder, I rush to the next escalator (my skirt blowing willy nilly in the windy tunnel). Just as I stumble down the last stair, the doors seal shut and the train speeds from the station, leaving me doubled over, panting, dripping with sweat and tugging on my gravity-afflicted pantyhose.

The same thing happened today, only I wasn't starring in the scene.

It was some other lady.

She breezed past me, poking my side with her swinging purse. I was only halfway down the escalator as she impatiently paused at the turnstile. Then she broke into a full sprint, her pencil skirt straining with every stride.

Taking my pretty time, I boarded the final escalator and spotted her already on the platform below, flinging her body at the train's closing doors. In a desperate final attempt, she jabbed her knee between the doors.

And there she stood, caught.

With her left knee raised to the square at waist level and her hands desperately yanking the immovable doors apart, she wobbled unsteadily on one heel. Her face flamed with anger and I could almost hear the seam in the back of her skirt splitting, stitch by stitch.

The doors parted, but just long enough to release her leg from the pinch. She stood by and despondently watched the train vanish.

I almost hugged her, but she was really sweaty and besides, even the greenest metro rookie knows the doors open for nothing and no one.

My advice: save your skirt, breath, makeup and rage. There's a train barreling down the track in t-minus two minutes.

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OVERHEARD: husbands sharing their innermost feelings (aka hazards of a busy work/school schedule)

2009-05-01T12:18:00.014-04:00

Husband 1:
Sit down for this...

I think our wives are having an affair. With the way my wife talks about your wife, and the passionate comments they leave on each other's blogs about fashion, friends and fabulousness...there's got to be something going on there.

Why can't we be everything they need?

Husband 2:
I hate to say it, but I think you're right. Maybe we need to set up an intervention. I tried to keep them from meeting each other, but they found each other through the blogosphere.

As long as we maintain these hectic schedules, we are doomed to remain second best in their complicated love lives. It's a tragic tale indeed.

P.S. Husbands rock! (But so do girl's nights with awesome ladies. And GIRL CRUSHES ARE THE BEST!)

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In the Toilet: American Idol "Fashion" (week 8)

2009-04-29T11:37:00.028-04:00

I'm exhausted. This self-appointed "task" of "evaluating" the "fashions" on Fox's juggernaut "singing" "talent" "show" is WEARING ME OUT. Being critical is hard work.

So today I'm switching things up. With the help of the ever-stylish Jamie Foxx (thank you, Fox! -- the network I mean), we're going to throw a little positivity bone at the A.I. stylists (just don't blame us if that hypothetical bone nails them in the head).

Jamie will help me determine which A.I. "fashion" trends to

EMBRACE!

and which should make you

RUN SCREAMING IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION!

First thing's first -- Jamie and I need to stage an intervention. As you probably noticed, Randy is stuck in a v-neck cardigan/white beefy tee/homemade beaded jewelry rut. (See here, here, here and here). We thought he snapped out of it last week with his "ring around the Randy" graffiti shirt, which was, at best, different than usual and, at worst, UGLY:

This week he was back to his old ways:

Jamie seyz: Naw, dawg. You know I'm your dude, but fo' real?

You need to step away from the cardigans. It's one thing to wear your favorite sweats around your house for 10 days straight. But you're ON TELEVISION, dude. People will notice you're wearing the same da*% thing every single week. And I'm not saying you should rock that ugly tee again, but maybe you could try a sweater without little buttons down the front (also known as a pullover). What about a jacket? A tie?

Whatever you got to do, do it.

On with the bone throwing...

EMBRACE!
Men, this is how you should be rocking your professional wear: skinny tie with a tie bar, a simple folded pocket square and a slim-fitting, European-cut suit; all in basic colors and patterns.
RUN SCREAMING IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION!
While flattery is (usually) the best compliment, don't copy someone else's outfit VERBATIM! This is Chris' second straight week of copying! And while we are glad he had the wherewithal to mimic Ryan and not Simon, from the looks of things, Ryan is pissed. See? No one likes a copycat.
Jamie seyz: Hey, Chris! Remember when I said you were my number one favorite on this show? That was before I saw that you copied Ryan.

Now you're everything I hate about Hollywood.

Naw, I'm kidding cat! You look cool, just don't get caught backstage alone with the Seacrest!

EMBRACE!
Matt is definitely showing some swagger from the neck up with his fedora. Men, every so often, please trade your Red Sox hat for something a bit more polished, like a classic fedora (worn a bit off kilter, please).
RUN SCREAMING IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION!
DON'T wear formal attire inspired by Full House. This frumpy two-button navy suit, french blue shirt and red (it was more like maroon on the show) tie combo makes Matt look less like a cool fedora-wearing dude and more like a door-to-door vacuum salesman. Or a chiropractor. Or our dads circa 1991.

Jamie seyz: Seriously? They made you shop in your dad's closet? That's just wrong, dude.

I know it's a recession, but can we please give the brother some new threads?!

EMBRACE!
This season is all about bangs, but thick bangs cut straight across the forehead aren't everyone's cup-o-tea. Try a side-swept bang!
RUN SCREAMING IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION!
Don't confuse feminine with froofy or complicated or fluttery jumbles of skirt. The proportions on this stumpifying dress are all wrong: she needs a wide belt to visually lower the waistline and a skirt that is about two inches shorter with less hip-enlarging volume. Maybe next time (if there is a next time) the stylists can QUIT trying to make Allison look like a rocker and START making her look like a lady!

Jamie seyz: My esteemed associate got it right -- less fussy and more lady.

And take that skirt up like two inches.

EMBRACE!
It's ALWAYS a good idea to use flattering lighting to make your outfit look totally awesome. Whether it's a million sweat-inducing stage bulbs, as in Adam's case, or the soft flicker of candlelight, a well-chosen glow can work wonders on almost any outfit.
RUN SCREAMING IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION!
DO NOT wear a slim white formal suit made from shiny silk shantung. Just don't even consider it as a possibility. You'll look two parts John Travolta, two parts Wayne Newton (based on the low-slung button and overall fit of the jacket) and the rest of the parts Liberace. Find another way to express your inner drama queen.

Jamie seyz: My eyeballs are burnin'! I can't even look. Tell me when it's over.

Oh crap, it's burned into my memory and I can see that sorry getup in my mind's eye.

MAKE IT STOP!

EMBRACE!
Old Hollywood glamour looks good on everyone. Try wearing your hair with soft, face-framing barrel curls. And wear more red. If you don't look good in red, wear red shoes. Do whatever needs to be done to add a little bit of spicy red to your life.
RUN SCREAMING IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION!
But don't pin red dinner napkins to the top of your dress. I frankly don't CARE if you just took a class from the leading expert on origami napkin folding. IT HAS NO PLACE IN YOUR CLOSET! You look like the engineer of an elaborate optical illusion designed to make people think you have a well-endowed chest. Wipe that smug smile off your face -- it isn't working. You pinned those napkins closer to your armpits than your bosom. No one's buying it!

Jamie seyz: Congratulations, Ms. Abdul. For the millionth straight week, yours is the worst outfit of the bunch. You've managed to turn a potentially fantastic dress color completely whack! I don't even have to tell you that look is tore up from the floor up.

But can we at least wrap this thing on a positive note? At least you don't look like this again:

Catch up on earlier weeks of In the Toilet: American Idol "Fashion" here.

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Sizzle, sizzle, sizzle!

2009-04-27T11:01:00.007-04:00

The weather today is SUPER HOT (like August hot and it's only April)! As you can imagine, I'm totally distracted and scheming plans to leave work early and bask in the sunshine. Wait, what? I totally did not just write that.

Aside from ditching (which I'm not planning to do, whyeverwouldyouthinksuchathing), this 93-degree weather is clouding my mind with thoughts of one thing: HOT, SIZZLING BACON!

1. Bacon for the mouth

Bacon Cinnamon Roll (sounds yummy to me -- sweet + savory = bacon-y goodness)

"Bacone" = A bacon cone filled with scrambled eggs and country gravy topped with a biscuit. (Not only do I love bacon containers, I have a thing for biscuits.)

2. Bacon for the eyes

A bacon shawl, especially awesome if you believe (like I do) everything is better when wrapped in bacon!

The marriage of two of my very favorite obsessions: a bacon iPhone case!
(Dear Santa, YES PLEASE!)

Am I the only one with bacon on the brain? (Don't answer that!)

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In the Toilet: American Idol "Fashion" (week 7)

2009-04-22T11:23:00.033-04:00

As you've noticed, I only critique the "fashions" of American Idol contestants on Tuesday nights. It's because my crunched schedule means I watch Wednesday nights in fast forward -- just tell me who got kicked off already!

But I can't proceed without acknowledging the egregious CRIMES AGAINST MODESTY committed by Ms. Abdul last Wednesday:
Holy smokes -- those straps are working HARD FOR THE MONEY (so hard for it, honey). I broke out in a sweat (and song) the instant I spied this dress: is it structurally sound? Is there some sort of backstitching reinforcement hidden behind those cupholders? What happens if the levee breaks?

Chris was worried too:
Matt was despondent, anticipating the worst:Danny summoned the powers of heaven:Luckily, the straps shouldered their heavy load throughout the entire show!

Kara's thoughts: Yes! I didn't have to see Paula's secret upper parts! This is the best day of my life!

Paula's thoughts: What are we cheering about? Why is Kara jumping up and down? I'm going to jump HIGHER and smile WIDER than she can even IMAGINE. She'll never replace me! NEVER!

Randy's thoughts: Kara, put down your arm, I want to see Paula's BIG REVEAL. Where's the flash, dawg?

Moving on, Tuesday night we saw

the good,
the bad,
the REALLY bad
and THE UGLY.

THE GOOD:

Of course it was Kara. She's the only one with two fashion sense brain cells to rub together. From the FIERCE color of her frock (yay for hot pink!) with the awesome architectural neckline/straps to the great accessorizing and perfectly coiffed ponytail -- she looked amazing. Even from the back:

Since Kara wins the best outfit award YET AGAIN, we'll be deferring to her in our analysis of the other contestants and judges.

But before we get to the bad, the REALLY bad and the ugly, we must pause to acknowledge the the nearly awesome and the awkward.

THE NEARLY AWESOME:

Whoa, Adam -- nice suit?! Wow. You look, well, GREAT! Perfect fit (even if it is made of satin), good tie, overall a REALLY GOOD OUTFIT.

BUT...
The close up of your hair reveals a poofy fauxhawk. With A LOT of product in the mix. Why does your profile remind me of a rooster with ruffled feathers? Maybe if we focus on the wideshot and not your elevated hairdo, we'll remember how very close to awesome you came with this outfit.

(I know, Paula. It's sad, but save those tears for a worse outfit [like your own?]. He came SO CLOSE!)

THE AWKWARD:

Simon skipped his nipple-revealing black v-neck, opting instead for a Hanes Beefy Tee undershirt. As if that wasn't awkward enough, Chris took the stage only to realize he was wearing the EXACT SAME THING AS SIMON! Ryan attempted to rectify the situation by shoving Chris off stage before anyone noticed. It was awkward, indeed!

Kara's Call:"Simon, ew!"

THE BAD:

This week Paula's outfit was only bad (not REALLY bad or UGLY. Wow, that's a sad commentary on the styling of this show when Paula's kooky ensemble isn't the worst).

Anyway, she paired a semi-sheer, floral-printed, laced-neckline, bedazzled-collar-and-cuffs tunic(/dress?) with a leopard-spotted gumball ring/earrings set, a large CZ ring and frosty pink lip gloss that could reflect your soul if you peered into it for more than three seconds.

Kara's Call:

"I mean, what am I supposed to say? 'Good job for not sucking as bad as usual even though you still look terrible?'"

THE REALLY BAD:

I have no words. On what planet is it a good idea to wear a spandex body glove on national television for any event other than surfing and/or mud wrestling?

Kara's Call:

"Look, honey. I don't know what you want me to say. You had to have known that this getup would do your womanly nether regions NO FAVORS."

THE UGLY:

Where do you even begin with an outfit of such excruciating terribleness? All pleather? Sequins? Leggings hewn from an old pool cover? Bustiere worn atop a mini dress? Bolero jacket with piping? Matching piped platforms?

But oh it gets worse. Apparently Allison is wearing a FORMAL pleather piped bolero. Look at the tails!

Kara's Call:

"WHAT IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT'S HOLY ARE YOU WEARING?!!!!! Did you choose this yourself or did someone pick it our for you? TELL ME WHO'S RESPONSIBLE! I will not only give them a swirlie in the public restroom, I will personally banish whoever did this from within 1,000 MILES of this studio. And if you're responsible for this Allison, so help me I'll make it my PERSONAL MISSION to ABSOLVE you of all privileges of dressing yourself from now until the bitter end of your long life. And if I die before that day, I'll MAKE ALTERNATE ARRANGEMENTS FOR MY WISHES TO BE CARRIED OUT POSTMORTEM!"

More In the Toilet: American Idol "Fashion" here.

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From a pro's point of view: Twilight Premier revisited

2009-04-20T09:13:00.005-04:00

Remember my teensy Twilight Premier Party last month (also known as the epic I LOVE ROB celebration)? One of my gorgeously talented friends snapped a few shots of the party and made it look EXTREMELY CHIC AND FANCY!

Andrea is an incredible photographer! In addition to capturing the awesomeness of this fiesta, she previously worked her magic on my 2008 Office Premier Party and even the lowly Wickstroms (no simple task). Call Andrea so she can bring out your inner fabulous! You won't be disappointed! Blog stalk her here!
Party details here.

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DIY: Cheap and chic Easter baskets

2009-04-17T09:48:00.012-04:00

We hosted Chris' dad, stepmom and little sister Krissy for Easter dinner. The food was delicious (try this trifle recipe -- you won't be disappointed), but the baskets were my favorite part.

In about an hour-and-a-half, I transformed three cheap generic baskets into festive Easter baskets. You could easily adapt this project to add a personal touch to a house-warming or birthday gift.

Here's what you'll need:

- Natural wood baskets (I bought mine at the Container Store for $4/each)
- Hot glue gun/glue sticks
- Festive tissue paper
- Krinkly paper shreds
- Ribbon (I had all of the ribbon on hand. Did you know there is a ribbon outlet in Hagerstown, MD? It is SO worth the drive!)
- Miscellaneous notions and trim
- Inexpensive treats, goodies and small gifts

Use hot glue to trim the edges of your basket in ribbon (mine covered some ugly visible staples). Wrap the handle in ribbon (I dotted a bead of glue under each twist to make sure it stayed in place). Line basket with a piece of tissue paper and fill with shredded paper. Add bows or additional adornments and treats. Voila!

I used vintage pink velvet ribbon and a fun yarn bow for Chris' 11-year-old sister's basket. Her basket was filled with Target jewelry (what girl doesn't love this?), Jonas Brothers socks, a giant Lip Smackers watermelon lip gloss and candy.

The basket Chris and I shared turned out the cutest! I love the peacock green grosgrain ribbon with the vintage pink velvet ribbon. And I love the wrapped handle. (Oh, and I especially loved the Mad Men Season 1 BluRay, the Doris Day/Rock Hudson three-movie anthology and the Australian licorice!)

Tip: For making the bows around the top rim of the basket look perfect: fold your ribbon into a loop, making sure the ends are longer than the loops. Pinch in the middle. Use another piece of ribbon to wrap the center of the loop, making a bow. Glue together.

I kept my Easter table simple and bright -- using my everyday red dishes, mustard yellow napkins and my grandmother's vintage flower tablecloth.

A vase full of ranunculus was the perfect final touch. These are the cheeriest flowers! I totally want to take a cue from Chelsea (the mastermind of {frolic!} and use them to decorate a vibrant summer table.
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In the Toilet: American Idol "Fashion" (week 6)

2009-04-15T09:14:00.020-04:00

You might assume the dwindling number of female contestants on American Idol would reduce the outfit complaints spewing forth from my mouth. But clearly the stylists insist on keeping my In the Toilet "fashion" series alive and kicking.

Last night the ensembles were as crappy/puzzling/cheap/awkward/BAD as usual. There were moments, however, when (most of) the judges and contestants appeared to be thinking,

"OH CRAP! WHAT AM I WEARING?"

Let's explore their revelations:

Quentin Tarantino: Hi folks! It's great to see you again. Yes I did say 'again.' Did you forget that although I have no formal musical expertise or movie/album to market I've been a judge before? Well, shoot.

Anyway, I have. And you may (or, in this case, may not) remember how much I love this show. I LOVE IT! I want to marry it. I'm borderline obsessed (minus the borderline). But isn't my enthusiasm contagious? Don't you agree that I'm 90 percent more fun than most judges? And my criticism is actually very relevant and -- if I may -- spot on?

I don't know if you noticed, but I'm wearing some very "special" shoes tonight. These bad boys weigh like 20 lbs. and help ensure my butt and thighs are nice and tight (which is critical in my line of work). And no, I didn't consider wearing other, more outfit appropriate shoes. You miss one day of firming/lifting and the next time you turn around, YOUR BUTT IS THE SIZE OF SATURN.

OH CRAP! WHAT AM I WEARING? This hairdo seemed like such a great idea backstage, but it's making me want to punch my own face. Whispy bangs?!?!

Randy: Um, hey dawg. I, uh. Yah. So I was all about the Randy Jackson Cardigan World Tour of '09. Dawg, I was ON BOARD. It was HOT!

But tonight, yo, I just don't get it. I mean maybe if I cover this part it works? Naw, you're right, dude. It looks like I took my v-neck cardigan to Maaco for a hot racing stripe. OH CRAP! WHAT AM I WEARING?

I'm gonna keep it real, yo, and admit that the plain white tee I've been wearing under every sweater during all of these shows is RIPE. Dude, for REAL. It's HOT (and not HOT-hot -- more like SMELLY and HOT MESS). I gotta change my shirt, dawg!

Adam: WASSUP???

WooooooAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (Dude, that was a high C).

So I'm obviously the most talented man/woman/child on the show.

AHHHHHHHHH(Just busting out a little more rock scream for you).

Don't you love my new hair? It's fierce. I look amazing.

OH CRAP! WHAT AM I WEARING? I just noticed that instead of rocker boots these are patent leather high tops. I was like THISCLOSE to having a great outfit.

Wooooooo--oo-OOO-ooo--aahhhhhhh. ARRRRRRGGGGGAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Lil: OH CRAP! WHAT AM I WEARING? Do NOT take my picture again. I will smash that camera to bits, so help me. I'm SICK AND TIRED of the unflattering clothes you people keep putting me in. I'm NOT fat. And I shouldn't be wearing rolled jeans, shooties, a cropped cardigan with buttons that are working REAL HARD and a wife beater. Turn off that camera RIGHT NOW!

Alright, that's better. Aside from the weirdly peeking leopard print, I look slim. My legs are awesome -- my waist is tiny -- my decolletage is perfect. Thank you. FOR ONCE!

Just answer me one thing: why are we trying to fool the fans into believing my hair grew 12 inches in one week? My other weave was working FINE. Why did you make me look like that hippie Muppet named Janice?

Paula: GUYS! Guess what?! Since my bubblegum lip gloss tasted so awesome last week, I decided to try the blueberry kind. I didn't even bother applying it to my lips -- I just bit off the top. IT TASTES DELICIOUS!

And I couldn't be prouder that my bedazzled collar/leash turned this hefty bag from trashy to FABULOUS! To think it only took nine million jewels. It's like I always say, 'Dare to dance in the path of greatness.'

I mean, 'Fortune rewards the brave.' And I know a lot about music and I also know a lot of songwriters because I look at everyone's music right before the show and scribble the names on my hands so I look smarter than that dummy Kara. KARA doesn't have her own jewelry line on HSN, does she? Last time I checked NO! She looks so homely with her one necklace and one pair of earrings. She has no idea that the secret to life is to bravely wear every single piece of jewelry that will fit on your body at one time. You can't see it right now, but I'm wearing four toe rings and a belly chain. ARE YOU, KARA?

Producer: We have no control over our "beauty" team (and I use the term "beauty" VERY liberally). So we asked our film crew to get a shot that would symbolize exactly how we feel about Danny's outfit -- a fashion disaster that belongs behind bars. Heh heh. Take that, STYLISTS!

Danny: Why is the crew shooting me from behind the harp? Oh CRAP! WHAT AM I WEARING? The stylists promised me no one would notice this is Simon's mother's blazer. They said it would look fresh and spring-y. They said I look sexy in wrinkled cotton.

But I KNEW someone would see the feminine row of buttons on the three-quarter sleeves. Even the producers noticed, which explains why they're implying that I should be locked up in a harp jail.

As if I wasn't emotional enough already about this song!

Anoop: Get this d@^* jacket off of me NOW! Throw it over there, in the dumpster where it belongs. It's just some old suit coat that you cut the sleeves off and replaced with old letter jacket sleeves. It's a failed home-ec project, that's what it is. I look like a tool. I should have stuck with the shirt and tie and burned this jacket when you were busy making Allison look like the saggy, baggy elephant.

Allison: I so love being a rocker chic. I just feel way hardcore, and the stylists get that.

Well, I mean they think they get it.

OH CRAP! WHAT AM I WEARING? There are pockets big enough to carry several babies on each of my hips. And these leggings are baggy! Aren't leggings supposed to be tight? Maybe if I just use my left leg to pull them up a little?

I just noticed that I'm wearing a belt OVER the trench/dress belt thing, which is tied in a bow. And there are embroidered crosses on my right breast? Isn't that a little sacrilegious considering the fact that this whole ensemble is a fashion sin? Someone, please save me!

Catch up on the American Idol "In the Toilet" fashion series here.

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Dear Chris,

2009-04-14T14:41:00.014-04:00

This blog post is to inform you that I now have four boyfriends. You already know this, but I think committing it to writing makes things a bit more official.

Clearly I'm still in love with Rob (and by Rob, I mean Rob. Not just Edward). I spent a small (um, medium) fortune staring at his hotness on the big screen. And I dedicated an entire party to him. And I own a full-sized cardboard cutout in his likeness. Oh, and I made you watch all of those YouTube interviews and laugh with me at his uncanny wit. Isn't Rob the best?!

You know how I feel about Jon Hamm. He is absolutely delicious on Mad Men. (I think my next boyfriend will be the entire cast of Mad Men and the set designers and the costume people and the hair and makeup crew, but four is enough for now).

Jon Hamm is way more than just a sexy 1960s ad exec, though. He is hilarious on 30 Rock and remember when he did the "Jon Hamm's John Ham" SNL skit? I'm still laughing about that one. Oh Jon!

I actually hung out with two of my four boyfriends last night (sorry you couldn't be there). Up to that point, I was just in like with these two -- strong like -- but now, it's LOVE. Therefore they have BOTH been added to my boyfriend list.

Behold, Brett and Jermaine (aka Flight of the Conchords aka FOTC):
Don't you love their robot costumes? They performed a stirring rendition of this tune for their opening number. Be still my heart!

They are just as funny and amazing in person as they are on T.V. (even more so). Jermaine melted my heart with his charming wit and audience shushing (sorry, Rachel -- he's MINE). Because of him, I had a goofy smile smeared across my face for the entire two hours of the show (I've got sore cheeks, but it's a small price to pay for love).
And Brett with his unkempt hair -- absolutely amazing. He has mad guitar skills and can beat box. (You know how I love a man who can drop a fat beat). And he sung the girlfriend chorus on this song, which happens to be one of my ALL-TIME FAVORITES!
They also serenaded me with this song and this one and this one and this one and this one. And so so many more. Chris, it was a pivotal point in our relationship (me and the Conchords, I mean). We bonded. We're serious now.

Even though I have a lot of famous boyfriends, you're still the one who wipes away my tears of stress, joy, laughter, rage and the inexplicable ones during that time of the month. I like wearing your pajama pants the best. And giving you Eskimo kisses and butterfly kisses and, well, all kinds of kisses. You're so much more to me than just a boyfriend -- you're my hot husband (check my phone -- that's where your number is listed).

xoxo,
Bec

FOTC at DAR Constitution Hall pics via.

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You know you've got one!

2009-04-13T14:04:00.007-04:00

I've been intermittently laughing/crying all morning. Why? Because of this site. And the fact that my own personal photos would be right at home next to Amanda (why oh why did I perm?!?) and Jilian (remember the lasers?).

P.S. Jens' shorts are making me blush!

Discovered via Natalie.
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Have you ever...

2009-04-10T13:26:00.014-04:00

...stepped into an elevator that smells like a TOOT? Then, as the doors close, you are nearly suffocated by the rancid air? You frantically stab the down button.

But the elevator stops on the fifth floor. A stranger enters and after the doors close, he sniffs. Loudly.

Twice!

Do you defend yourself? Do you smile and wink? Do you slyly inquire, "Allergy season?" Or do you both hold your breath and then bolt when the doors open again?

Image via flickr (That elevator sign has not been photoshopped: apparently "I Fart" is Dutch for "In Motion." Fitting, no?)

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In the Toilet: American Idol "Fashion" (week 5)

2009-04-08T09:46:00.013-04:00

First and foremost:

DEAR FOX! Your STUPID show ran over the scheduled air time and my faux-vo MISSED ADAM! I DIDN'T EVEN SEE WHAT HE WAS WEARING. SHAME ON YOU!

In addition to waiting for Adam to sing last night, I keep waiting for the American Idol stylists to prove me wrong -- that they should keep their jobs, that they know what they're doing, that they're not completely insane. So far still waiting...

But I'm trying to understand where they're getting these screwball ideas. In an attempt unlock the mystery, we're going to examine the "outfits" through the eyes of the stylists and contestants.

Ryan: How did I suddenly become the most well-dressed person on this show? Remember when I had more highlights than a Baywatch Lifeguard? Look at me and my knowing smile, ladies. I'm so chic. I'm even pulling off this grandpa tie tack thingy.

Anyway, Kris, are those shoulder pads you're wearing?

Kris: Yah, totally! I borrowed them from your mom.

Crazy Stylist 1: We thought Anoop should be the embodiment of Easter ('tis the season, after all). We were inspired by dyed eggs, that fake plastic grass in Easter baskets, fluffy pink bunnies, lemon curd, mixed nuts, peeps, chocolate eggs, coins and ham. And since Randy's cardigan(/beach towel) worked so well two weeks ago, we knew this outfit would be a showstopper. I think it really helps soften Anoop's tough guy image. I mean, did you not hear Paula's comment that he was "just like a rainbow?" That's all the payment a stylist needs.

Crazy Stylist 2: When Scott said he wanted to look more rock-n-roll this week, we knew exactly what he should wear: BAND UNIFORM PANTS!

Kara: I feel like this Grecian gown is making my, you know, THIS AREA HERE look BIGGER. It's poofing around my, you know, and all of this rhinestone business up here in this general region makes me think I might be wearing the drapes from Paula's dressing room.

Crazy Stylist 1: Can I be totally honest with you? We told Paula she should probably follow Coco Chanel's general rule of thumb: take off one accessory before leaving the house (or, in this case, going on stage). What? Why do you look so shocked that I know who Coco Chanel is? I mean I have read a magazine or two in my lifetime. Seriously.

Crazy Stylist 2: Anyway, Ms. Abdul assured us that she looked in the mirror and her reflection shouted FABULOUS (she was very insistent that her reflection literally shouted "You look FABULOUS"). She also reminded us that the assistant at Claire's Accessories told her the earrings, bracelet and ring are a SET. Thus, they should be worn together. And who are we to question the expertise of a Claire's employee? Crazy Stylist 1: Paula is really taking this bad economy thing to heart. She insists on reusing her costumes from 1991. Which is awesome, because we were totally planning to dress her in old prom dresses. Great minds think alike, right?
Paula: My bubblegum pink lipgloss tastes JUST LIKE bubblegum! ISN'T THAT AWESOME?! I'll never go hungry again!

Allison: This outfit is making me a little self conscious about singing in public. When I said I wanted to look edgy, I didn't mean wearing a petticoat (totally googled that one) tucked into the front of a mini skirt. Plus, I think my mom might wonder about all of these chains. They're dangling in the front, in the back, on the ruffles, from the leather. I just feel like it might be a BIT suggestive and dirty for a 16-year-old.

Crazy Stylist 2: Lil is just gorgeous, isn't she? But we wanted her to toughen up her look this week (we try to match her outfits to the artists who originally perfomed the songs, to, you know, set her apart). We started by asking the makeup artists to make her look sharp. I'd say they nailed it with the eyes -- literally.Crazy Stylist 1: And come on -- you'd have to be BLIND not to love these shoes. You'll never believe it, but I was walking my rottweiler last Saturday when I suddenly got a burst of inspiration. I rushed home, I yanked off his collar and glued it to an old pair of stripper shoes. Then I dug up more old collars and just kept glueing and glueing. And before I knew it, I was sitting there staring at the most awesome shoes ever created. It was an unbelievable day.Crazy Stylist 2: Those shoes were truly inspired. And I was also so proud of the nautical twist we added to the back of Lil's outfit. You know what they say -- you should look just as good coming as going. So we made a porthole in her leather vest. And would you believe that skirt is actually a very stretchy tube top? I don't mean to brag, but I think this outfit is one of our best yet.

Click here to catch up on last week's In the Toilet: American Idol "Fashion."

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