Misadventures on the Metro

chapter 24
I should pull it from the wall and relocate it to the trash can! The curved, sleek, graphic propagandist taunts me with every tick of its skinny hands.

Clearly it has a personal vendetta against me accomplishing anything; half the time (pun intended) resembling a navy Buick Regal keeping pace with the Lincoln Continental driving 10 MPH in the fast lane, clogging traffic and spreading fits of road rage to drivers caught in the press. The rest of the time (pun intended) it’s more like that perky kickboxing instructor who never sweats, even while elevating her perfectly shaped leg above her head, and smiles at me – red-faced, dripping like I just swam 12 laps in the community pool – with a knowing look that she is running circles around me (even with the one leg above her head) and I will never catch up!

Friday was the Buick/Lincoln scenario; no matter how many times I glanced at the evil clock staring at me from its perch, time was frozen.

Is the battery dead? No, I just stole the battery from the remote in the conference room – it can’t be dead. Oh, wait. I think the hands just moved forward one minute. Half a minute?

Such went my day. I was actually working, for what seemed like long periods of time, but the timepiece indicated otherwise.

After what felt like many more hours than actually transpired, my long, arduous and anxiety-ridden workday finally drew to a close. Just as I was closing my e-mail, a message popped up from WMATA. Awash with dread, I clicked on what was sure to be bad news.

“Metro alert: 10-minute delay…”

It might as well have said, “Ha, ha, ha, ha! It’s Friday and your weekend will NEVER start! You’ll be stuck on the Metro for HOURS! And hours! And hours! You will never make it to dinner on time because even if you get home in less than 3 hours, you’ll get stuck in city traffic on your way to the restaurant. You won’t have time to touch up your makeup! You’ll probably fight with your husband on the drive to Maryland because of other idiots on the road. Give up! Stay in your office until Monday. There is NO HOPE!”

It pretty much happened the way I expected.