Misadventures on the Metro

chapter 20
10 TELL-TALE SIGNS YOU'RE A TOURIST ON THE METRO
10. You board a crowded train and scan desperately for a seat before latching to the nearest pole or hand hold with a nervous grunt and beads of sweat trickling down your cheek.

9. You lose your balance and swing wildly from the holding spot with each stop and start of the train.

8. Your travel uniform consists of jeans (preferably tapered and acid washed), a D.C. tee shirt, tennis shoes, a windbreaker and fanny pack; your camera dangles from a lanyard around your neck.

7. You look at fellow passengers, smile and act friendly instead of avoiding eye contact by staring at the floor.

6. At each station, you anxiously ask, “What stop is this?” while staring at a map and reading the station name through the window; you repeat question/map/panick cycle at every stop.

5. You are riding the train with six other people who are smiling, cheerful and excited.

4. You insert a Metro fare card with the arrow and “insert this way” directions facing the wrong way, requiring station manager assistance, clogging the line and provoking loud sighs and eye rolling.

3. You are the only person without a book, newspaper or iPod.

2. You stand on the left side of an escalator.

1. You talk loudly (even an iPod cannot drown out your story about your friend who came to D.C. once and blah, blah, blah), oblivious to the fact that no other person on the entire train is making a sound.