Wednesday, May 13, 2009

In the Toilet: American Idol "Fashion" (week 10)

When I started writing this post there were only three contestants left on American Idol. And they're all BOYS. (Now it's down to two, but don't tell -- I didn't watch the elimination show yet!)



My hand is once again perched on the cold metal handle, ready to flush the A.I. "stylists" and their laughable "FASHIONS" down the toilet.

[PAUSE -- despite the horrible wardrobe choices, there were a few moments Tuesday night when I was blown away by the music, which is a HUGE FEAT since the bad outfits keep me so distracted I barely remember which songs were performed. Those guys have major pipes and I was pretty impressed!]

Because I love a good rating system, this week's outfit
components will receive either a


or a


Without further exposition, let's get the toilet water swirling!

I must first give myself props for composing such an expressive collage of Ryan Seacrest, who insists on donning one of the season's hottest colors -- ORANGE!

Adam's acid-washed, chest-baring JEAN SHIRT definitely receives a PINK SLIP! I could maybe forgive the acid wash of the shirt because of its cool military detailing and overall fit, but I CANNOT OVERLOOK the smarmy unbuttoning. HELLO ADAM, you're not ROB PATTINSON! Oh Rob...

To think the shirt was the least of Adam's problems -- his ALL-DENIM OUTFIT + SNAKESKIN BOOTS ensemble is a grave fashion sin. NO ONE should wear an outfit made entirely of denim (aside from this man).

The raw leather jacket Adam wore during his second performance caused me to think either a) the stylists ran out of time to finish the jacket, but decided it was "good enough" because the un-hemmed part would be in the back or b) the stylists intentionally shrouded him in a rustic cow skin, continuing their bad Westernwear theme. Either way, it definitely earns a pink slip!

Randy, Dawg, those blue specs are sweet! Congratulations, Mr. Jackson.

OUCH...hat tip followed by a pink slip. I think you know what this is about, DAWG. You can put your beefy vienna sausage fingers down -- I'm not at peace about you wearing YET ANOTHER cardigan with horizontal stripes!

Dear Danny -- you look cool (FINALLY)! I'm feeling the tonal stripped shirt and the chic military jacket. (P.S. Next time tie your shoes! You might trip!)

I'm totally grateful for this vest because without it, Danny's nipples would be clearly visible through his sheer shirt. Unless the shirt has some well-positioned modesty pockets? Luckily, we'll never know.

As much as it pains me to have to explain this, Kara, darling, shoulderpads belong on the inside of the dress (on the shoulders, in the sleeves). One quick trick to determine whether or not your shoulderpads are correctly positioned: raise your arms. YOUR ARMPITS SHOULD NOT BE VISIBLE.

Another trick to determine whether your shoulderpads are correctly positioned: check the garbage can. If you see them inside, they're in the right position.

Oh dear. I just noticed that the "shouldpads" may be bra pads and I don't have enough energy to delicately explain where those belong.

L.A. was obviously very humid Tuesday afternoon -- I mean check out Paula's lion mane! Wait a second...was Kara's hair frizzy? Was this 'do intentional? Oh dear.

Also, let's talk about the dress: hefty bag meets colorful saran wrap. No wonder she's sweating!

As usual Paula overloaded her outfit with tacky, excessive and fake diamond-encrusted accessories. Shocking, right?

Although she did forgo a necklace. I guess that's one step forward.

Kudos to Simon for finally confronting Paula about her over-accessorizing. He even had the guts to do it on TV:
Simon: If she wears one more sparkly accessory I'm going to shoot myself in the head. She's completely mad!
Paula: Simon, PLEASE! I just need a necklace. That's all I need. Something modestly sized (like 12 inches long) and slightly shimmery (coated in fake bling). Please, Simon. JUST ONE MORE!

Catch up on In the Toilet: American Idol "Fashion"
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Holly said...

Hats off to you Mrs. Wickstrom! LOL!

DC Diva said...

I can't believe you had time to do "Toilet" this week.

But I'm SO glad you did!

Major props on the Ryan Orangecrest collage.

Adam -- SERIOUSLY -- is that CLOUD PRINT on your shirt???

"hefty bag meets colorful saran wrap" -- brilliant.

Alex M. said...

Oh I love it and I definetely agree with you. But I must say...I thought that Kara's hairstyle tuesday was fabulous!

Becky said...

I can't believe there is only one more week for me to look forward to this post! BTW, you made it into my Top Ten Tuesday- favorite blogs!