Monday, May 08, 2006

Misadventures on the Metro

chapter 9

Open letter to Metro riders

To Whom It May Concern:

I understand, really I do. Riding the Metro is becoming a very economical travel method for commuters – especially considering the cost of gas! I mean $3+/gallon –ouch! And while there are certain drawbacks (see Misadventures on the Metro Chapters 1-8), overall the Metro provides a quick, convenient and reasonably comfortable commute. In general I can put up with grumpy riders, stop-and-go trains, an occasional offensive odor and a host of other Metro variables. Even the delays allow me to peel through a few extra pages of my novel.

But standing in a packed car today was not my idea of a good time. My usual 20 minutes on the train turned into an hour of torture. And as the time ticked away, I became more and more exasperated.

Alas, I digress.

The entire purpose of this letter is to warn all who may have a propensity for motion sickness or are feeling under the weather, no matter how slightly – STAY OFF THE METRO! The Metro is not an infirmary. And just because paramedics are available in emergencies doesn’t mean you should meet them face-to-face just because you are too cheap/lazy/dumb/thick-headed/oblivious to refrain from public transportation when your health is not 100 percent.

Before you board a Metro train, especially during busy commuting hours, ask yourself:

- Am I feeling queasy, light-headed or faint?
- Is my blood sugar at an adequate level?
- Have I tossed my cookies in the past 24-hours and do I feel any residual uneasiness?
- Is my post-nasal drip upsetting my stomach?
- Am I comfortable with small spaces and traveling underground?
- Do I have ready access to Dramamine? Have I taken my daily dose?

Perhaps most importantly, ask yourself if you really want to bear the guilt of causing thousands to be late for work just because you did not adequately evaluate your health condition before boarding the Metro.

Thank you for your time and for observing these helpful, healthful tips in the future.


Late for Work in D.C.

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