Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Diamonds are so sparkly

Dear Chris-replacement A.I. Companions:

I missed you last night. I was hoping we could camp out on my couch and gorge on the deliciousness of Neil Diamond + American Idol. But alas, I watched much later (thank you FauxVo) and was once again subject to the somewhat cranky companionship of you-know-who.

But I thought of you. I even took notes so we could rehash the ups and downs of our favorite/hated weekly singing fest. I'm kinda glad no one witnessed my near-tears reaction to Mr. Diamond on the small screen. I grew up OBSESSED (not exaggerating this time) with the Jazz Singer. Even Chris cannot deny the warm, fuzzy patriotism which wells up in his heart as Master Diamond belts the last few notes of "America" while raising his hand to the sky (as seen above).

Without further exposition, I now present random notes from last night's American Idol. Feel free to add your analysis in the comments!

  • Holy faux-hawk Ryan Seacrest -- SHWING! Conehead!
  • Does anyone else hate the way he says, "THIS is...(pause) (pause)...aMERican I-dol. ANNOYING!
  • Dear Paula -- I love baby birds too, but a bird's nest is not a suitable hair accessory, even for a formal event!
  • NEIL! Neil! I LOVE YOU NEIL! You're a MASTER!
  • Mr. Dreadlocks -- "Money talks" and it says SHUT UP! You're bugging!
  • It's possible that my deep and abiding love for Neil may be based on his affinity for glittery fringe outfits.
  • According to Chris, Neil's signature hand-in-the-air move means "He's shooting love to the audience...the love of himself."
  • Brooke got one thing right -- her blue "meet Neil" dress is covet-able!
  • Dreads looks constipated when he closes his eyes -- just sayin'.
  • If I have to sit through one more dumb story about Ryan Seacrest and a station wagon, I'll, I'll...YAY, David COOK! Whew!
  • [Spoiler Alert!] Giving Neil Diamond goosebumps pretty much means you're the next American Idol.
  • Is it weird that I knew the "unknown" Neil songs David Cook chose?
  • Brooke is annoying because: a. "I'm a believer" was in too low of a range, b. she chose her outfit and teased wig from Dolly Parton's Salvation Army pile, c. some make-up artist thought glitter eyeshadow was a good idea, d. ruffled poet's blouses are so 1992 (and high-waisted glitter pants were never hot!)
  • Maybe I've heard too many drunk Red Sox fans slurring the words, but I thought David Archuleta's "Sweet Caroline" sounded WAY karaoke.
  • Syesha belongs on Broadway. Period.
  • Oh and she forgot to put on her strappy gold sandals to match her lovely royal purple cocktail dress. But I love the tamed 'fro.
  • As if we needed further evidence, PAULA IS AN IDIOT! Did you see everyone's faces when she criticized song two? I love that no one stopped her! But the "second song left me empty" too, mostly because I had yet to hear it.
  • Also, the Hallmark store called and said Paula left without paying for the tissue paper she affixed into a ruffle at the top of her gown.
  • "September Morn" used to send me to my happy place, but then Dreads butchered the melody, smeared it in cheese and served it as a steaming pile of TERRIBLE!
  • David Cook could have a current No. 1 single with "After All These Years." (I promise I thought this before Simon said it too!) It was gorgeous and masterful!
  • Fine, I'll admit that Brooke's second song reminded me why I liked her in the initial auditions, but she's still grating on my last nerve.
  • And David, I would have ABSOLUTELY picked "America" too, but you're no Neil. It was too pretty (and what was that pubescent vocal crack in the middle?)
Whew, what a night! Can't wait for Neil's sure-to-be-stirring performance tonight! And you bet your mustache I'm buying his new album on May 6. Who isn't?!

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Wendy Weiler King said...

Love it, agree with every word (except I actually like the overly dramatic way Ryan intros the show...), love it, Paula is ON CRACK, love it. Brooke and Jason have got to go. I love the Davids. When can we play again?? YOU are my American Idol.

Chris said...

I must say, Neil was brilliant and surprisingly sequin and tassel free in his performance last night.