American Idol Season 10 is PAINFULLY booooooooooring. (Can I get an AMEN?!) So tonight Wickstrom Adventures presents an extra special A.I. fashion flush:
He said/She saidHe's sporting a mullet, she's seducing the camera like nobody's business and together, they're teaming up to provide straight-shooting, limited-expletive-laden analysis of the so-called "fashion" parading around Idol. Behold:
She said: "Look, Chris. It's your brother in mullets."
He said: "It's like Beatles on the top and Billy Ray Cyrus (circa '92) on the bottom. Definitely a whale of a tale. Grow for the gold, bro!"
She said: "Did you really just say 'whale of a tale?' Um..."
He said: "This was my favorite outfit of the night. I'm a little sentimental seeing granny's entryway rug again."
She said: "It's like the single most unflattering 'vest' I've ever seen. Let this be a lesson to us all: the fastest way to add 300 lbs. to your hips is by wearing a rug-turned-vest."
She said: "Okay, be honest. Would you rather be known as 'crazy eyes girl' or 'never comb your hair girl?'"
He said: "Depends on what I'm singing."
He said: "Check it out -- not only is my DAWG extending the Randy Jackson World Cardigan Tour of '09 into another season, he's paying tribute to Paula Abdul's jewelry addiction, or, as you'd say, 'over-blingifying.' Isn't there some rule about too much jewelry? Personally, I stick with just one tasteful accessory: my belly ring." She said: "True, but I'm loving the watch. Reminds me of a certain timepiece in my jewelry box."
She said: "Thoughts?"
He said: "The outfit is showing up all over her face as severe pain."
She said: "She's obviously suffering from dual climatizationitis -- her nightie is creating Arctic conditions up top while the leg warmers are giving her sweaty calf syndrome."
He said: "ARE WE DONE YET?"
She said: "You're right. This is exhausting work, especially since half of these people will be off the show before we can even finish this post. I say we provide the pictures and let the masses scoff for themselves. But before we sign off, we must note that Allison is still her horribly dressed self."
He said: "What she said."
Thanks for tuning into this special He said/She said A.I. fashion flush. You can participate in the fun by adding you two cents on the following "fashion" tragedies in the comments:
The inexplicably mismatched accessories
The ace bandage shoes paired with tacky lace hosiery
The feminine hygiene product headband
The white fright
The taffeta dress and Teva river shoes
Click here to catch up on In the Toilet: American Idol "Fashion."