Tuesday, March 02, 2010

In the Toilet: American Idol "fashion" (Top 24)

American Idol Season 10 is PAINFULLY booooooooooring. (Can I get an AMEN?!) So tonight Wickstrom Adventures presents an extra special A.I. fashion flush:

He said/She said
He's sporting a mullet, she's seducing the camera like nobody's business and together, they're teaming up to provide straight-shooting, limited-expletive-laden analysis of the so-called "fashion" parading around Idol. Behold:

She said: "Look, Chris. It's your brother in mullets."

He said: "It's like Beatles on the top and Billy Ray Cyrus (circa '92) on the bottom. Definitely a whale of a tale. Grow for the gold, bro!"

She said: "Did you really just say 'whale of a tale?' Um..."

He said: "This was my favorite outfit of the night. I'm a little sentimental seeing granny's entryway rug again."

She said: "It's like the single most unflattering 'vest' I've ever seen. Let this be a lesson to us all: the fastest way to add 300 lbs. to your hips is by wearing a rug-turned-vest."

She said: "Okay, be honest. Would you rather be known as 'crazy eyes girl' or 'never comb your hair girl?'"

He said: "Depends on what I'm singing."

He said: "Check it out -- not only is my DAWG extending the Randy Jackson World Cardigan Tour of '09 into another season, he's paying tribute to Paula Abdul's jewelry addiction, or, as you'd say, 'over-blingifying.' Isn't there some rule about too much jewelry? Personally, I stick with just one tasteful accessory: my belly ring." She said: "True, but I'm loving the watch. Reminds me of a certain timepiece in my jewelry box."

She said: "Thoughts?"

He said: "The outfit is showing up all over her face as severe pain."

She said: "She's obviously suffering from dual climatizationitis -- her nightie is creating Arctic conditions up top while the leg warmers are giving her sweaty calf syndrome."

He said: "ARE WE DONE YET?"

She said: "You're right. This is exhausting work, especially since half of these people will be off the show before we can even finish this post. I say we provide the pictures and let the masses scoff for themselves. But before we sign off, we must note that Allison is still her horribly dressed self."

He said: "What she said."

Thanks for tuning into this special He said/She said A.I. fashion flush. You can participate in the fun by adding you two cents on the following "fashion" tragedies in the comments:

The inexplicably mismatched accessories

The ace bandage shoes paired with tacky lace hosiery

The armored shoulder pads

The feminine hygiene product headband

The white fright

The taffeta dress and Teva river shoes

Click here to catch up on In the Toilet: American Idol "Fashion."

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Rachel said...

awesome. You two should go into business together. Cannot believe the tevas! Need to watch this show!

DC Diva said...

Oh I miss you two! How I wish I was sitting on your cute couch, watching... er ripping... with you!

Gotta be honest, I'm trying but I CANNOT get into Idol this year. Totally missed it last night and didn't really care. Maybe when they narrow it down a little, but right now I'm just kinda over Idol.

My comments could never top yours but I will say about "White Fright" -- she looks like she stole a Sunbeam's tights. And dress. NOT FLATTERING, sista! Jesus does not want you for a Sunbeam!

LiLu said...

Hahahahaha! You two are hilarious!

Holly said...

I can totally picture Chris saying "Are We Done Yet?" You know he would make comments anyway. You should just write down what he's saying when you watch it without him knowing...

I knew you had to say something about Kara's armored shoulder pads.

Yes, I haven't been able to stay awake through one Idol yet. Literally, "YAWN!!!"

Heather 'n Jay said...

Why did I read this after I just got cut open? Ouch! Hillarious. Love Chris' input. You make a great team.

Kara said...

Augh! Love it! Are you really committing to a whole new season of "In the Toilet"? Boy, would I be impressed. Teva river shoes? Rolling with laughter.

Miss you guys!

Maegan said...

If you are really this funny with it just being you guys watching TV? We definitely need to hang out more!
I only wish the husbands went into the office more so I could get the updates on what you are doing. Okay, or I could take responsibility and read your blog, facebook, email or who knows make a phone call? Sheesh to myself. Hope you are good!

heidi said...

the taffeta and teva combo could also make an appearance on people of walmart. i know i have seen that look wandering around frozen foods before.

Allison M. Metz said...

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