In the Toilet: American Idol "Fashion" (week 5)

First and foremost:

DEAR FOX! Your STUPID show ran over the scheduled air time and my faux-vo MISSED ADAM! I DIDN'T EVEN SEE WHAT HE WAS WEARING. SHAME ON YOU!

In addition to waiting for Adam to sing last night, I keep waiting for the American Idol stylists to prove me wrong -- that they should keep their jobs, that they know what they're doing, that they're not completely insane. So far still waiting...

But I'm trying to understand where they're getting these screwball ideas. In an attempt unlock the mystery, we're going to examine the "outfits" through the eyes of the stylists and contestants.

Ryan: How did I suddenly become the most well-dressed person on this show? Remember when I had more highlights than a Baywatch Lifeguard? Look at me and my knowing smile, ladies. I'm so chic. I'm even pulling off this grandpa tie tack thingy.

Anyway, Kris, are those shoulder pads you're wearing?

Kris: Yah, totally! I borrowed them from your mom.

Crazy Stylist 1: We thought Anoop should be the embodiment of Easter ('tis the season, after all). We were inspired by dyed eggs, that fake plastic grass in Easter baskets, fluffy pink bunnies, lemon curd, mixed nuts, peeps, chocolate eggs, coins and ham. And since Randy's cardigan(/beach towel) worked so well two weeks ago, we knew this outfit would be a showstopper. I think it really helps soften Anoop's tough guy image. I mean, did you not hear Paula's comment that he was "just like a rainbow?" That's all the payment a stylist needs.

Crazy Stylist 2: When Scott said he wanted to look more rock-n-roll this week, we knew exactly what he should wear: BAND UNIFORM PANTS!

Kara: I feel like this Grecian gown is making my, you know, THIS AREA HERE look BIGGER. It's poofing around my, you know, and all of this rhinestone business up here in this general region makes me think I might be wearing the drapes from Paula's dressing room.

Crazy Stylist 1: Can I be totally honest with you? We told Paula she should probably follow Coco Chanel's general rule of thumb: take off one accessory before leaving the house (or, in this case, going on stage). What? Why do you look so shocked that I know who Coco Chanel is? I mean I have read a magazine or two in my lifetime. Seriously.

Crazy Stylist 2: Anyway, Ms. Abdul assured us that she looked in the mirror and her reflection shouted FABULOUS (she was very insistent that her reflection literally shouted "You look FABULOUS"). She also reminded us that the assistant at Claire's Accessories told her the earrings, bracelet and ring are a SET. Thus, they should be worn together. And who are we to question the expertise of a Claire's employee? Crazy Stylist 1: Paula is really taking this bad economy thing to heart. She insists on reusing her costumes from 1991. Which is awesome, because we were totally planning to dress her in old prom dresses. Great minds think alike, right?
Paula: My bubblegum pink lipgloss tastes JUST LIKE bubblegum! ISN'T THAT AWESOME?! I'll never go hungry again!

Allison: This outfit is making me a little self conscious about singing in public. When I said I wanted to look edgy, I didn't mean wearing a petticoat (totally googled that one) tucked into the front of a mini skirt. Plus, I think my mom might wonder about all of these chains. They're dangling in the front, in the back, on the ruffles, from the leather. I just feel like it might be a BIT suggestive and dirty for a 16-year-old.

Crazy Stylist 2: Lil is just gorgeous, isn't she? But we wanted her to toughen up her look this week (we try to match her outfits to the artists who originally perfomed the songs, to, you know, set her apart). We started by asking the makeup artists to make her look sharp. I'd say they nailed it with the eyes -- literally.Crazy Stylist 1: And come on -- you'd have to be BLIND not to love these shoes. You'll never believe it, but I was walking my rottweiler last Saturday when I suddenly got a burst of inspiration. I rushed home, I yanked off his collar and glued it to an old pair of stripper shoes. Then I dug up more old collars and just kept glueing and glueing. And before I knew it, I was sitting there staring at the most awesome shoes ever created. It was an unbelievable day.Crazy Stylist 2: Those shoes were truly inspired. And I was also so proud of the nautical twist we added to the back of Lil's outfit. You know what they say -- you should look just as good coming as going. So we made a porthole in her leather vest. And would you believe that skirt is actually a very stretchy tube top? I don't mean to brag, but I think this outfit is one of our best yet.

Click here to catch up on last week's In the Toilet: American Idol "Fashion."

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